Sunday, February 10

Busy birthday

What follows is a brief list of activities, events, and surprises that occurred on my 25th bithday, an otherwise quiet sunday in february. The majority of these things were masterminded by r. furlano, girlfriend.

- A HEAP of french toast, delivered to me as I rolled out of bed. There were also a bunch of berries on the plate. yes!

- 3 hours of Qi Gong (google it.)

- A long hike that included tree climbing, rock scrambling, lizard hunting, fig newman snacking, conversations about counseling and the general decline of america as an international figure, and the accidental death of a moth. RIP. I am truly sorry about that one.

- Dinner at "the best restaurant in San Diego." because that is what i get.

- A clue, delivered by the waiter, that R. Furlano had previously hand delivered to the restaurant to be given to me after the meal. This clue needed to be solved by me before we could move on to the next location.

- Gelatto. After gelatto was eaten, the stranger sitting behind me got up and appraoched me with another envelope. I lost my composure and snatched it from him.

- This envelope contained a clue and a handmade cross word puzzle that needed to be solved by me. The crossword consisted of inside jokes and some smutty statements that are integral parts of our relationship.

- The last clue led me back to her apartment, where there was a backpack waiting for me with In Rainbows.

- Taped to the lyrics booklet was an itinerary. This crazy broad bought us tickets to portland for a long weekend to hang with Mr. Josh Green.

- Perfect.

hot and cold

I had my first cup of coffee at age 24. that was late last year. My girlfriend had her first cup of coffee when she was seventeen. that was also late last year.

No seriously, she's legal, and has a longstanding coffee love affair. In an attempt to become all she needs, I have been trying to learn how to order coffee for her.

Lst night was one of my first attempts, and here's what happened:

Starbucks. The most intimidating place to order coffee, even for people who know what theyre talking about. The have a lot of shit there and I dont know what's what. Last time I ordered coffee for her, I just said, "I need a cup of coffee." WRONG.

So we go to Starbucks, and I'm feeling reasonably confident since she's standing right behind me. I run my line by her, "tall americano, with a half inch of soy milk." I get the thumbs up. I approach the couner. The woman behind the counter doesn't know I have no idea what I'm talking about, so I try to assume a confident facade. "Hello, I need a tall Americano with a half inch of soy milk please."

that was easy.

"Hot or cold?"

Holy shit. I don't know. I can't see Rebecca, she's behind me. I can't turn around for fear of blowing the whole operation. I remember the last time I tried to order coffee for her. They asked me if I wanted the soy milk cold or hot, and i sad hot. That mutated the entire beverage into some sort of foamy thing that was sipped out of pity. Not tonight, not here.

Not so fast. hot or cold what? They sell iced coffe don't they? Do americanos come iced? I don't know!!! All this happens in a split second, and in an attempt to be comprehensive and avoid any further opportunity for this woman to embarass me with her questions, I declare: THE COFFEE WILL BE HOT AND THE SOY MILK WILL BE COLD.

The woman on the other side of the counter morphs into a hag from hell. She gives me the kind of stare that makes dogs put their tails between their legs. She looks at me like I just called her a p*$$y&*nt.

I am at a loss for words here. Really, I'm just hoping that she'll ring me up and we can be done with it. She has other plans.

I really can't describe how frightening her tone was, but I'm sure if i dealt with a bunch of weird coffee drinking starbucks customers all day, I'd be about fed up with the public in general, not to mention little virgins who don't know what heyre ordering. She goes on to snidly eductae me that hey serve iced coffee as well, etc etc. I try to tell her that, of course, I am aware of iced coffe, and that's why i was so specific.

I lose.