Tuesday, May 20


The lovely Abra-Cat has made so many changes to my life. She is so sweet and loving, and sometimes playful. It's cool to walk in and see her waiting to say "hello." Another effect she's had on me (and Rebecca) is that we haven't been able to sleep a full night in the last two months due to her incessant meowing.

Like clockwork, she becomes severely deranged when we attempt to go to bed. Relentless MOWMOWMOW from the other side of the door. Let her in the bedroom with us? No problem. She'll be cool for an hour or two and then decide it's time to wake up. MOWMOWMOW! We leave the door ajar so she can pass through. We make sure there is food. We make her exercise during the day. Nothing. We've tried acupuncture. No change. We've spent a string of nights ignoring her completely, hoping to break her habit. Every night it's that same damn routine.

She is especially active from 4-8am. This is not a range, this is the duration during which she directs all of her energy into making sure we are awake. Rebecca cracked first, deciding she didn't like the cat. I hung on for a while, but now I'm feeling the same way. Sometimes, in my half state of consciousness, I will snap to attention and shout "Jesus Fucking Christ Cat!" She has made a blasphemer of me.

The latest strategy, since it's been so hot out, is to shut her out of the room, and place a fan outside of our door. The drone of the fan is loud, but constant, almost soothing when compared to the rapid staccato trills of the late night mainecoon. This worked one night, a little bit. Now, she just raises her voice, maximum intensity, to cry and whine and shout us awake. My dreams are becoming more and more violent. Last night I sprung out of bed, grabbed the nearest large soft thing (a towel and a hoodie), whipped the door open and threw them at the cat.

This technique worked, because Rebecca couldn't get the image of my display out of her head. She was laughing, and couldn't go back to sleep. So, she went out in the living room, keeping the cat company. I did not have any problem with laughter, so I went back to sleep.

I've done a fair amount of research, and none of the reasons people give for cats acting this way seem to apply here. I think she decides that she's awake, and wants to be in the living room. She does not want to be there alone, so she gives her best effort to rouse up some company. It makes no difference whether or not the people she wakes up are harboring visions of putting her in a pillowcase and throwing her out the window.

Some solutions that are still in the works:

-Drugging the shit out of her. This can be done nicely with homeopathics. Rescue Remedy has been suggested to me. Some for the cat, some for the doctor!

-A pet psychic. A friend referred me to this woman, after having some cool things happen with her dog. Also, she doesn't look like a nut job, so that's good.

-Another cat. I think little Abra needs a little buddy. She's a social creature, and has a slightly needy personality. I think gatos should come in pairs anyway. The big risk here is that the new cat may become her midnight backup singer, and I would be compelled to commit a double animal homicide. I don't want to be a killer.

I think we'll start with the homeopathics. That's definitely the cheapest solution.

On the bright side, this is a cat, not a baby.

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