Monday, June 30

"didn't darth vader say that?"


Rebecca and I went to see it the other night. It was good, better than most of the crap coming out of the pipe. I liked it. The movie was fun to watch, definitely had some influences: Fight Club, The Matrix, Office Space. There was even a serious Star Wars moment. I would recommend seeing this flick.

The best part for me was the very end of the film. The last line is "What the fuck have you done lately?" The lights of the theatre came on, and the people began murmuring their opinions. Directly behind Rebecca and I sat a father and his two sons. The sons looked close in age, around 8 and 11. They were both heavy set, with freckles, and unruly curly hair. These kids were clearly in their awkward years.

So, the older one was excited about the movie and exclaimed, "That was awesome! I love that! What the FUCK have YOU done lately?!"

Wow. I lost it. I don't know if it was the father figure's utter disregard for the profanity of the child, or simply my imagining what life experience he had to justify that statement, or maybe I'm just epileptic, but I lost it. What the fuck have you done lately kid? Seriously, your paste eating days aren't far behind you.

I was cracking up like a hyena, I couldn't see. Strangers paused in their tracks, and stared at me. The strangers began laughing at me. Rebecca was overcome by the enitire scene, and began laughing at the strangers. I couldn't see much, but she told me that the family saw me laughing, and most likely they knew I was laughing at them. Oh well.

I tried to collect myself enough to leave the theatre. Rebecca tried to help me stand up. I was doubled over in laughter. I did my best to walk out of the theatre, and made it halfway. I had to sit down in one of the freshly emptied seats and howl some more. Rebecca said I looked like I was drunk. People continued to stare.

Talk about the right time at the right place.

week ten

It's Monday, week 10. This semester has been flying by. My time in San Diego is flying by. My summer is flying by. My life - hopefully I can slow it down a little.

Rebecca and I are moving across the country in approximately six weeks. There is still a lot to be done before we go. We've been looking for apartments in Chicago. Found some interesting ones. I think we found the perfect one, but they want to rent it out now, not in August. It's a sweet spot, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

They say a recession is upon us, a depression is coming. It's possible. The state of the world today is unprecedented in recorded history. So many people, so many cars, so many shortcuts we've taken. It's unfortunate, the people in power don't think the system is broken. Anyone who is already making a fortune cannot be counted on to initiate change.

I've been thinking a lot about other countries. Canada sounds good, I can deal with the winters. But how long will Canada be Canada?

Sunday, June 22


Yesterday, we celebrated the solstice in the evening with a few friends. We went down to Ocean Beach, searching for the right secluded cove. It was a short trek, and we had it. Some sand, some small sandy cliffs, large rocks, and the waves of the Pacific.

Rebecca led the show:

-Yin Yang Huo tea with metaphysical water (provided by Jake and Chris).
-Tying red cords around the fire areas of the body (forehead, solar plexus, thighs).
-Placing tiny gold beads on certain acupuncture points.
-Saging each other and the surrounding area.
-Establishing our intentions in the square and the circle.
-Yogic exercises and sounds to create fire.
-Lighting candles as the sun set.
-Honoring the four directions and what they represent.
-Writing things down on tiny papers.
-Taking turns burning those things along with some fire herbs.
-Laying of the hands when each person returns to the group (after burning their papers).
-Closing (hippie group hug).

Everyone felt great afterwards, lighter. There was a good amount of discussion about our individual experiences, and insights we shared with each other. Something I found very interesting- we started writing down things we didn't need or want anymore, and millions of sandflies whizzed by. It was a formidable sight. I think they were carrying away our baggage for us...

Sunday, June 15


I am overwhelmed
to think of all the things that
died so I could grow

Wednesday, June 11

wabi sabi

I've been studying Ju Jitsu for a little while now. I was doing some research on the internet last week, learning more about the history of the art. In my reading I came across a term I had never head of: Wabi Sabi.

The spirit of this idea has been with me forever; I'm surprised I had never heard of it until now. I won't even try to describe it here. You can do some reading here, here, or here...

Monday, June 9

mint green

Before bed last night, Rebecca practiced some energy work on me. I was just relaxing, lying there, while she palpated tender points, and who-knows-what else. I like it when she does this stuff. I usually find it relaxing, and a lot of times I get tranced out, having little visions or very bizarre, but enoyable thoughts. Sometimes when she's working on me, she closes her eyes. I close mine. It is interesting to pay attention to what is going on internally. Once, I was overwhelmed with the color orange. I had my eyes closed, but that's all I could see. I tried to imagine other colors, but I was fixated on orange. I asked her, "What is the dominant color right now?" Of course, she replied, "Orange." Weird.

So this most recent session was very impromptu. She just started working, and I was a good patient. At some point I closed my eyes. I didn't go into any trances or anything, I just let my mind wander. Usually when my mind wanders, I wind up thinking about Ju Jitsu. This time was no exception. I was deep in thought, trying to wrap my mind around perfect leverage applied to such an intricate machine as the human body, when an image snapped into my consciousness, replacing all other thoughts, captivating me.

I felt her finger on the middle of my chest. In my mind, I could see the point she was touching. A tiny mint green bud came straight out of that point, perpendicularly. This bud quickly doubled in size, and then doubled again. it grew to about the size of a softball in a matter of seconds, and then the petals bloomed open, a simple flower. This was very exciting, something I'd never experienced before. I felt invigorated, like I just took a breathe of clean autumn air.

Of course, I'm familiar with the Chakras, and it is possible that all of this was my imagination, but I wasn't thinking about any of this stuff when it happened, and there was no time for me to figure out that green was the color of the Heart Chakra, and try to visualize something happening. It just spontaneously blossomed. So cool.

the radio, the smoke, the fawn

Last night, Rebecca and I went to Whole Foods to get some snacks! We got back in the car, armed with natural potato chips, dried pineapple rings, english muffins, gluten-free cookies, etc. I had an undeniable feeling something good was about to happen, so I turned on the radio. My hunch was correct; a Radiohead song was on.

Rebecca uses an iPod transmitter in her car, so on the rare occasion that she forgets to bring her iPod, we are left to scour the airwaves for something decent to listen to. This is a formidable challenge, and we both have been guilty of passively letting some nasty tripe play on at times. There is a lot of real crap out there.

So, imagine our good fortune, as we sat in the Whole Foods parking lot, snacking on our natural treats, enjoying a Radiohead tune.

That alone is cause for celebration, but it turns out that we actually caught the middle of a special broadcast. They were playing a bunch of Radiohead tracks, interspersed with some commentary and interview clips with the band. Everyone had English accents, like it was story time...

We went back to my place and ran in the house, letting the groceries fall where they may. I plugged in my little clock radio and tuned into the station. We sat in my room, huddled around the radio like it was the great depression, excited about our lucky timing. At the first commercial break, I put my herbs on the stove to boil.

The program was cool. When it was over, we turned the radio off. Better to quit while we're ahead. We got to talking, did a little reading (Lost Horizon), some stretching. I heard my roommate, Jocelyn, on the other side of my door:



"Are you cooking something??"

Oh shit. Forgot about those herbs. I sprung up, whipped my door open. The house was full of stinky smoke. Very cloudy. If the place wasn't so dark, I would've thought the kitchen was on fire. I ran to the stove, turned the heat off. I took my very hot herb pot outside and set it on the concrete. We opened all the windows and doors. This morning, there was still some odor in the place, but I think it will go away soon.

An old man once told Rebecca about his two mainecoons, Fawn and Kallie. When they get squirrely, the old man shouts to them, "Fawn! Kallie! Get your shit together!"

Whoever can't get their shit together is the fawn now.

OK, so I catch Rebecca fawning things all the time. We can't go anywhere without a brief interrogation, "Do you have your keys, wallet, phone?" She forgets her iPod, so we listen to the radio. She forgets her sunglasses/jacket/whatever, so I give her mine. Sometimes she burns the rice a little bit, but in all her fawning, she has never had a fire scare.

I wear the fawn hat today.

I was taking those herbs to kick the phlegm out of my head. I take this as a sign that I don't need that formula anymore. I'm feling better anyway. Now I can go on a nice tonic formula. Ginseng!


stuff on my cat

We're thinking of submitting this one...

Tuesday, June 3

sick day

That's right, even I get sick sometimes. It's true. For example, this morning began with a loud expulsion of some green phlegm. I coughed, snorted, and hacked my way to clarity. Rebecca became instantly amorous.

Yesterday I had the phlegm, and some bodyaches, fatigue, and more malaise than usual. I don't think I'm "sick" though. I think my body is having the only reaction it can given the circumstances it is in. Sometimes that reaction is pleasurable, sometimes not. My circumstances are based on the copious amount of Soy Ice Cream I've been consuming lately. That combined with undersleeping and overschooling, has left me in a state of dispelling some mean loogies.

I gave myself an acupuncture treatment yesterday. I took a brief nap during the day. A woman took pity on me, giving me an impromptu reflexology session in the student lounge. I put together an herbal formula that I began taking last night, and finished up this morning. And, of course, Rebecca has been playing nurse. So, there are some perks to being "sick."

This is good timing, really, because I don't have much going on at school right now. Missing a couple classes this week is no biggie. Also, I've been taking it easy, having a chance to sit around and read. I finished Narcissus and Goldmund last night. That's a great story.

In the spirit of taking it easy, I've recently decided to extend my education until April. I had planned to graduate early in December. To do that, my schedule would be just as packed next semester as it is now, and that time will be spent in a new city. I think I'd rather have an easier time getting acquainted with Chicago, while taking a light courseload. Also, I think I'd rather finish school in the Spring, when things are blooming, growth is occuring, and all kinds of other changes are taking place in the northern hemisphere. Trying to shift gears in the dead of winter holds no appeal.

A good friend and teacher once told me to enjoy my belt. A lot of people in martial arts have their sights set on being a black belt. He was quick to point out that once you have that, there is so much responsibility involved. You can no longer make the same mistakes you used to make, it's not acceptable any more. I'm trying to enjoy my belt, enjoy being a student. It won't last much longer.

Sunday, June 1

happiness, pleasure, sorrow, love.

Any trip to Blockbuster is an exercise in patience. We wade through the dregs, the rehashes, the same-old-shit. We scan the racks for an image that appeals. A pretty face on a box is never a guarantee that the movie will be bearable, let alone stimulating. We pick up one title. We carry it around the store in hopes that something thrilling will bounce off the shelves; we hope we can be excited in what we're about to spend two hours watching.

I used to have a solid netflix habit. I was flying through movies. At some point I had rated over 700 films. So many of them were so blah. I spent a lot of time watching movies, and strangely enough, even when they weren't good, I still finished them, even enjoyed the idea of finishing them.

What's my favorite movie? Despite the hundreds I've watched, I retain a short list of top favorites. The Matrix, Snatch, the Fountain, the Royal Tenenbaums. The last movie that really pulled me in was Sunshine, and before that, You Kill Me. These are the movies I list on internet profiles, myspace pages, etc. These are the movies that probably "say something" about my personality.

There are, of course, those movies that I have seen over and over and still enjoy. Gone in 60 Seconds, the Italian Job, the Transporter, Casino Royale, Boondock Saints, Lucky Number Slevin, anything with Jet Li. I can't imagine what my lazy weekends would have been like without movies like these.

The other day Rebecca rented The Air I Breathe. She got a gold star for the day with that one. It's really well done, clever photography, well cast, engaging, entertaining. It's refreshing to see something that good. I had never heard of it. I won't forget it. Check it out.

(there is also a sweet track by Autolux featured in the beginning of this movie, my newest favorite song. so that's a nice bonus...)